Highs and Lows

So last week I talked with the nurse practitioner at the Pope Paul VI Institute about the brain fog I was experiencing. I've been having a lot of trouble getting my words to match my thoughts and it was really causing problems with my work and with my relationship with Jason. I was seeking advice on what I could do to treat the problem.

She thought I was experiencing some post-partum depression, which surprised me because I didn't really feel depressed and I thought PPD happened right after delivery ... not 5 months later. But I followed her lead and have resumed my progesterone shots over the course of last weekend and this week. Since being on the progesterone, I actually had a bad bought of depression this week. I woke up Tuesday feeling very sad and cried off and on throughout the morning. I'm not really sure what was making me feel sad - maybe because I can't stay home with Madelyn every day or because I'm not happy at my job anymore and I feel the stress of trying to decide what to do about that; maybe because my pants still don't quite fit me right; maybe because Jason and I have struggled to resume our intimacy; or because I am strugging to maintain my milk supply. Probably all those things combined.

The strange thing is that the next day and today I've felt completely fine. I'm trying to think positively about things and remember that my dreams have come true and my prayers have been answered: I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful, healthy baby. Madelyn is a joy and Jason is a fantastic father and does so many great things for me.

I plan to continue to work with the PPVI to decide if I need to go back on some of the medications I was on before I got pregnant in order to feel more like myself. The only downside to that is that I'll have to stop breastfeeding.

On a happier note, Madelyn is 5 months old on Saturday and she's thriving! She's rolling over, talking, smiling, sitting up and doing great on tummy time (thank goodness, cause I don't know how much more funky neck junk I could take!) and most likely teething. No teeth have appeared yet, but she drools a lot, has had low-grade fevers and a stuffy nose.

Hope you and your families are doing well!!!!